Never thought life would become so difficult for me.Like most Indian women,I too,have put husband and children above myself.But at this juncture,circumstances force me to regret my decision.Have I committed injustice to myself?
Always knew,life is not a bed of tosses especially for women irrespective of the country they are born in but never imagined that thorns would outnumber roses.Being the eldest child of my parents,I was always taught to compromise,adjust and over the period of time,these qualities became part of my personality.Putting your wishes and dreams behind those of others was the first lesson given during growing up years.
In a middle class family,the eldest child matures before age,under the burden of responsibilities.Same happened to me.Due to financial constraints and social taboos associated with middle class of small city, I never got the opportunity to got out on picnics and movies with friends.'Girls of good families don't do this.Girls of good families don't do that.What will others say?'These things are hammered into the head of all middle class girls and I was no exception.The moral compass became part of my accessories.Sometimes,it pains when I find that I don't have even one snap of my college days.Did parental overprotection and Log Kya Kehenge syndrome of lower middle class rob me of the normal fun and frolic of college days.Did I grow old mentally trying to fulfill expectations associated with a girl of lower middle class Indian society?In the process of living upto the expectation of others,somewhere I throttled my desires.
For all girls,marriage is a dreamland where you will be the most valuable person for someone.Your tears,your joy,your misery will be shared by someone.With these dreams,I too,entered into this new world.First few months of married life passed in bliss.I was treated and looked after by my partner with love and care.By nature and upbringing we were poles apart and we thought this would make our bond stronger.Opposites attract.He has had his share of college life adventures and fun.For him going out with wife or spending time with wife alone was of no significance.Where ever we went we had his group of friends tugging along.I had no complaints with that but at least sometime we should have gone alone.Giving me time became the bone of contention between us.My husband never understood my need.
Days began to pass and after on and a half years a little angel came into our life.I wanted to be a full time mother to her,so I dropped the idea of taking up a job.I felt a full time job would be doing injustice to her and my home.Don't know why,but I always thought that unless you have elders at home to take care of the child or there is no financial constraint.the woman of the house should not work.It was my decision and as usual my husband took no stand on it.
The responsibility of a child,health issues and workaholic husband began yo take toll on my mental health.I knew I was going into depression and the person whom I needed the most was no where near me.Just like a drowning person tries to get hold of even a straw to save himself,I clung to any opportunity which came my way to take myself out of loneliness.But can these diversionary tools be the solution when the person is craving for attention and time of her partner?
Years have passed by.Earlier my husband didn't have time for taking me out for leisure trips and how he has no time for my visits to doctors.A person who never understood me and my needs today mocks me for being good for nothing,for being unable to enjoy social gatherings,for being dependent on him.
This is LIFE of an a wife who gave up her promising career for her home and family.
Always knew,life is not a bed of tosses especially for women irrespective of the country they are born in but never imagined that thorns would outnumber roses.Being the eldest child of my parents,I was always taught to compromise,adjust and over the period of time,these qualities became part of my personality.Putting your wishes and dreams behind those of others was the first lesson given during growing up years.
In a middle class family,the eldest child matures before age,under the burden of responsibilities.Same happened to me.Due to financial constraints and social taboos associated with middle class of small city, I never got the opportunity to got out on picnics and movies with friends.'Girls of good families don't do this.Girls of good families don't do that.What will others say?'These things are hammered into the head of all middle class girls and I was no exception.The moral compass became part of my accessories.Sometimes,it pains when I find that I don't have even one snap of my college days.Did parental overprotection and Log Kya Kehenge syndrome of lower middle class rob me of the normal fun and frolic of college days.Did I grow old mentally trying to fulfill expectations associated with a girl of lower middle class Indian society?In the process of living upto the expectation of others,somewhere I throttled my desires.
For all girls,marriage is a dreamland where you will be the most valuable person for someone.Your tears,your joy,your misery will be shared by someone.With these dreams,I too,entered into this new world.First few months of married life passed in bliss.I was treated and looked after by my partner with love and care.By nature and upbringing we were poles apart and we thought this would make our bond stronger.Opposites attract.He has had his share of college life adventures and fun.For him going out with wife or spending time with wife alone was of no significance.Where ever we went we had his group of friends tugging along.I had no complaints with that but at least sometime we should have gone alone.Giving me time became the bone of contention between us.My husband never understood my need.
Days began to pass and after on and a half years a little angel came into our life.I wanted to be a full time mother to her,so I dropped the idea of taking up a job.I felt a full time job would be doing injustice to her and my home.Don't know why,but I always thought that unless you have elders at home to take care of the child or there is no financial constraint.the woman of the house should not work.It was my decision and as usual my husband took no stand on it.
The responsibility of a child,health issues and workaholic husband began yo take toll on my mental health.I knew I was going into depression and the person whom I needed the most was no where near me.Just like a drowning person tries to get hold of even a straw to save himself,I clung to any opportunity which came my way to take myself out of loneliness.But can these diversionary tools be the solution when the person is craving for attention and time of her partner?
Years have passed by.Earlier my husband didn't have time for taking me out for leisure trips and how he has no time for my visits to doctors.A person who never understood me and my needs today mocks me for being good for nothing,for being unable to enjoy social gatherings,for being dependent on him.
This is LIFE of an a wife who gave up her promising career for her home and family.
